Trauma and sustanence

Little did i know, that helping some one could really be a pain in the ass. For the past two weeks I have had some of the worst experiences in my life. Shut up in my hostel room, seeing no mates, going out for the occasional meals to the canteen, getting to Kolan's for a smoke , frequent visits to the lavatory are all that i seem to do these days. Oh! wait that isn't all there is someone, biting me from behind, nagging me to reek my brain and spill out bloody business concepts in modified English.  For humanity's sake leave me alone. Y did I ever agree to help in doing this rubbish? Wouldn't it have been better if someone else was made to carry all this sin? But sadly that's not all, in addition to all the help you offer you still remain the despicable speck of filth in front of the party and have to fall prey to all the spite and bad remarks from that side. So it is little wonder that i should state this that I do not believe having done so much sin in my life to deserve this, and so I say enough is enough. It is nothing more than saddism, if u know what I mean, to torture a poor sole to such an extend that he should wish for bitter death more than anything else in this world. Though fights are not a rarity between us two, rather it would be more appropriate if I said peace was a rarity among us, this has gone far beyond the levels of the normal petty fights and stuff we used to have on a normal day. But what really blows me off is the fact that it is the eleventh hour and the party is more into resolving the clueless banal crisis between us two than evincing any sort of interest in wanting to complete the project on time and hand it over to the university. It is at this sort of keen desire the party shows in matters concerning us both, that I bow my head in reverence. It seems like moving on with the relation at any cost was the prime focus and all else subsidiary. Needless to say my claims for a "rupture and a redoubling", to quote Derrida, in the relation are vetoed unopposed and I'm back to being the original, meek self that I am. It is truce for the time being and all is kisses between us two, but for how long and that is the real question.

 this is a picture of me performing in the street play for pratheeksha. behind me is Sudheesh in suites. thought this would be a suitable picture for the entry

 

...err wait a moment. The party is intending on taking up PhD. I am so Dead...

A time for the others

Selflessness perpetrates the words and actions of the humanitarian elite but could it be the same with the common mongrel? I wonder how people make a fine balance between their professional and social environments when the trend is always to be entangled in the quagmire of duty than to follow what ones heart desires. It is impossible then to even think of devoting ones time to the needs and let alone fancies of other people. Yet it is this alone that happens to me almost every time in my life. Its a miracle how people can induce me to agree with them in so few words and its even much more of a mystery as to how their needs become my own sole responsibilities even before you can say "help". I believe the art of persuasion is what every body has taken a degree in and i alone a dunce in the subject. Can't expect people to take notice of your trials when their own hands are full to the brim but could it be much if one asks for a bit of consideration on say, at least a humanitarian ground. I think what this society lacks is a feeling of empathy when one could find enough and more of plain old sympathy. To be in another persons shoe and to experience what it is for him that one learns the art of tolerance but sadly in our day people detests taking on others shoes even if it meant for a few seconds. Can't blame them for these shoes might be the last place u would want to shove your feet into. Pray at least lets hope in this digital age that a scene of mercy might evince moist eyes in the beholder. The following image is uploaded in the hope that at least this will induce your eyes to moisten itself, if at all for the wrong reasons...

dream on the 14th of august 2011

early morning, cocooned like a defensive lobster.

how do u build an aquarium for the culture of sharks? Here's how:

A relatively large room is to be converted into the said tank and in the dream there was an elderly man on whose guidance all the preparations were being done. There seemed to be what looked like tiny trap doors at either end of the room at exact opposite points but the logic of water seeping through them never occurred. how could it , this is a dream. water to the tank was being pumped through this huge pipe although it required the boiling of something exceedingly viscous and oily , the duty of which was taken up by my father and me, in an adjacent room. The resultant blue ablution was pumped , rather slowly n believe me, boringly into the tank via the pipe. I distinctly remember the room having a rather inconspicuous division in the middle that sort of divided the room int exact halves. assured by someone that the whole room was to be turned into the watery world, it no longer bothered me. There were also times when papa n me got in trouble with the brewing. The viscosity seemed to harden and then loosen conditioned to over low or overheating the liquid, and to find a balance between the two seemed to be hard job. All in all the thought of being able to stand in a tank that was meant for the free movement of vicious sharks was an exhilarating one.. not to mention a dream come true.

AND THE DAY:

-was uneventful except for the contrivance of a cold.

-woke up, daily chores, sat to study(xam time dumbheads!), with no much result untill evening.

-MC, Prasun, Arun pestering around as usual.

-started studyin properly from evening onwards.

-full fledged cold, just as i was about to have my dinner.

-took steam from a water heater borrowed from arun, twice.

-in between finished two chapters of RANDAAMOOZHAM.

-slept around two in the morning with the lights on and M.C at the laptop.